An Ode to My Anxiety

Oh, anxiety, how you are unwelcome here,
Yet you’ve stayed around far too many years.
As each year passes, a new resolution put in place;
Yet anxiety you’re still here to spit in my face.

This year is different, a new resolution shall stick;
By December 31st, 2019 you will finally be in the thick.
Anyone struggling with anxiety knows,
That that is not indeed how it goes.
How much longer will you stick around,
I am not quite myself without you making a sound.
Worrying about simple-normal activities;
Is what makes me, me during daily festivities.

I hate you, I love you;
I don’t know what to say except I don’t want you.
But since you’re still here, tagging along;
I might as well write about you
so it’ll make me strong.

Anxiety has consistently held me back for what feels like my entire life, though in reality it’s been nowhere near that long. I know that regardless of what I do, I will still have my good and bad days – but instead of letting anxiety consume every action I take, I’m going to stand up to her and let her know that I’m back to being the boss of my own life.

Irrational worries and irrational fears, panic attacks or physical symptoms – I’m tired of it all. I don’t quite know what life would be like without anxiety constantly being there spitting her dangerous words in my ear; quiet I imagine? Would I still feel like myself? I don’t think I have lost myself in my anxiety, but I do however feel as though all the big dreams and big goals that I have I let anxiety hold me back from obtaining them. This isn’t the year for that; anxiety is no longer welcome to the party. 

I can check one goal off of my bucket dream list: starting a blog. Though anxiety has tried to run her wicked words through this process, I shut the door in her face for the first time in years. I feel alive again, I can finally breathe stronger than I have in what feels like an eternity. If I keep it up, will she still be there at the end of 2019? I don’t know, I don’t think anyone can really know. But I guess we will just have to find out.

Side Note:

If it isn’t obvious, I don’t write poetry. Writing poetry makes me anxious as it has to flow in such a specific way, and I’ve never been comfortable writing that way – or at least letting others read it. I figured what better way to ring in the New Year than to not only publish my first blog post (yay!!) but to also kick it off with the one thing I’m most uncomfortable writing.
I encourage you to also try something out of your comfort zone to ring in the New Year.

4Comments

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  1. 1
    Kristen Pizzo

    I love this! Sharing writing is SO hard and uncomfortable sometimes, but so worth it. Best of luck with your blogging this year!

    • 2
      Darby

      Thank you so much!! Definitely still a very new concept for me to share anything that I write, but it’s almost therapeutic for me to do so!

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